The Whole Adoption Thing

Originally Written in August, 2007

Perhaps it's been in the works since I was a teen. I started to ask mom and dad for more foster kids; I was becoming excited to see new kids come in. It's true that I saw how intense and difficult it could be for my parents when it came to fighting for the kids or raising them in general. And I experienced the turmoil the kids could dish out. But at the same time, I enjoyed it increasingly as I got older. I saw the way the kids changed when they experienced a loving family.

As an adult, this has translated to an interest in adoption. Adoption instead of foster parenting because of all the intense personal links with it, because I don't think I have the strength, not to mention how gut-wrenching it must feel as the foster parent to let go of kids who are returned to their families. It was hard enough as a sibling.

By the time two of my foster siblings were adopted, it was like putting on paper what we'd been for ages: a family. It was a relief. I'm sure the experience of adoption without fostering beforehand is entirely different. And I think for me, it will be different in a good way.

I became more aware of my desire to adopt at the same time that I became more aware of my desire to have kids. Having a biological child is something I want to do someday, God willing. Increasingly, I am also aware of a desire to adopt a child.

This became more apparent last Christmas. I was listening to a nice little Steven Curtis Chapman CD for the season, one I hadn't heard before. A song he wrote about adoption called "All I Really Want" came on. Here are some of the lyrics:

Well I don’t know if you remember me or not
I’m one of the kids they brought in from the home
I was the red-haired boy in an old green flannel shirt
You may not have seen me – I was standing off alone
I didn’t come and talk to you, ‘cause that’s never worked before...

Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight
But I’m really trying hard not to be bad
Maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with,
well, maybe they could teach me how to get along
And from everything I’ve heard
Sounds like the greatest gift on earth would be a mom

All I really want for Christmas
Is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose
Shoulders to ride on if I win
There’s so much I could ask for
But there’s just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas...is a family
Just a family

That’s all I really need

You know how sometimes you come into contact with art that you know is created to tug on your heartstrings? Despite my awareness of the song's "designs" to reach me, I found myself sobbing, completely undone. My heartstrings were not just plucked, they had been pounded into a mushy substance that no longer even resembled strings. And I found myself mourning for all of the needy kids in the world. There are so many of them, so many who need a family.

Ryan and I will probably consider adoption more in a few years, after he's done with grad school. But we've talked and researched a little bit. We learned that adopted kids statistically get more positive attention from their parents, better grades, and they tend to have parents who stay together. We learned that the biological mothers have a better future than their peers who are in similarly difficult situations and keep the baby (I don't mean to criticize that decision, either) because they have opportunities for college or work that they would have missed.

If we do adopt, we don't know for sure if we're interested in domestic or international adoption. But there's just something inside me that wants to help orphaned children or any child who needs a family. And not just to be charitable, but to give away the love I'd have for my children, no matter how they came into the world. It seems to me that when we are ready for a family, we will be just as ready to conceive ourselves as we will be to adopt.

Right now the idea of having a family is still a bit daunting. Ryan and I were talking last night about how God will prepare us, and the things we want to work on in ourselves during this time we have before we have kids. I know we'll never be perfect, we might never even feel mature enough, but that's one of those things I hear most people feel. I know Ryan is going to make an amazing dad. God will guide us when we're ready, and in the meantime I bet he will keep creating ways to play my heart like a banjo.

Some links:
American Adoptions
Bethany Christian Services
Shaohannah's Hope
Shaohannah's Hope Myspace - Listen to "All I Really Want" here!